My mom has died.

Its so easy to beat yourself up at this time about what you did or didn't do while she was alive and I know everyone does this to a certain degree. Of course, I'm right in the middle of this game and so lucky that I have many around me that pull me back out.

I know my mom would be very upset with me about this personal beating, so I am going to let it go the best I can and continue with all the lovely, wonderful events her and I have had in the past year or so. The last major event that Mom loved being involved in was Morgan's wedding to Tyler. One of the things that she adored was because it involved so many of us that she treasured like none other.

I'm gathering pictures of current events to share on her joy and involvement that is plainly written on her face. This lady, who would trek across the mountain pass just for my birthday party? Amazing. Her greatest pleasure in life was her family which is so obvious as you look in her home. Pictures everywhere. It didn't matter what room she was in, there was another one framed so she would never be alone.

I am so grateful for my sister during this time and every day. Even though Sheri wasn't able to be there physically there with mom, I was. I know mom never seperated the two of us. We are like one. Its very interesting to me how mom considered us together as one being. She also made this combination with my girls, Morgan and Taylor. You talk to one, you are talking to two. You hug one, you are hugging two. You love one, you are loving two. Its simple and true.

Mom also gave me the gift during her last days, of having my brother Denny and his family with us. I know mom loved that we were all sitting stuffed in her room laughing and talking. She never wanted any bad feelings between any of us that would keep us apart. Another gift from mom as there are so many generous times when indirectly she should get the credit for helping the healing in a relationship. Michael is another example. What a time she had with having you this summer. An everyday connection and company and to be with your family this Thanksgiving....she said over and over again "I was treated like a queen."

I know lots of moms negative feelings made people keep some distance, but I know this is not her true feelings as I'm sure the pain was the root of the cause as there were so many issues. She loved everyone so very much and treasured every conversation, e-mail, picture, event etc. I hope you all have peace with this knowledge that you brought joy and happiness continuely to Grammy.