Its sort of hard when I reflect on yesterday...how I can have such a great day when I should only be having a heavy heart?
I spent the day with my brother, Denny. I've already acknowledged that while in the hospital with the girls and Denny's family, that Mom was thoroughly enjoying the fact that we laughed, cried and mended our hearts with each other. But after yesterday, I'm giving full credit to my Mom. Sure we still cried yesterday on occasion but in a good way. We talked about issues that were hard for each of us but knew they were topics that had to be covered and explained before we can completely trust each other again. The elephant has left the room. We still will have moments I'm sure, but I feel safe with exposing my feelings and thoughts as they surface.
Plain and simple, it lifts my heart to know my brother is back! Thank you Mom, once again for another gift....and this one will just keep on giving.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
My mom has died.
Its so easy to beat yourself up at this time about what you did or didn't do while she was alive and I know everyone does this to a certain degree. Of course, I'm right in the middle of this game and so lucky that I have many around me that pull me back out.
I know my mom would be very upset with me about this personal beating, so I am going to let it go the best I can and continue with all the lovely, wonderful events her and I have had in the past year or so. The last major event that Mom loved being involved in was Morgan's wedding to Tyler. One of the things that she adored was because it involved so many of us that she treasured like none other.
I'm gathering pictures of current events to share on her joy and involvement that is plainly written on her face. This lady, who would trek across the mountain pass just for my birthday party? Amazing. Her greatest pleasure in life was her family which is so obvious as you look in her home. Pictures everywhere. It didn't matter what room she was in, there was another one framed so she would never be alone.
I am so grateful for my sister during this time and every day. Even though Sheri wasn't able to be there physically there with mom, I was. I know mom never seperated the two of us. We are like one. Its very interesting to me how mom considered us together as one being. She also made this combination with my girls, Morgan and Taylor. You talk to one, you are talking to two. You hug one, you are hugging two. You love one, you are loving two. Its simple and true.
Mom also gave me the gift during her last days, of having my brother Denny and his family with us. I know mom loved that we were all sitting stuffed in her room laughing and talking. She never wanted any bad feelings between any of us that would keep us apart. Another gift from mom as there are so many generous times when indirectly she should get the credit for helping the healing in a relationship. Michael is another example. What a time she had with having you this summer. An everyday connection and company and to be with your family this Thanksgiving....she said over and over again "I was treated like a queen."
I know lots of moms negative feelings made people keep some distance, but I know this is not her true feelings as I'm sure the pain was the root of the cause as there were so many issues. She loved everyone so very much and treasured every conversation, e-mail, picture, event etc. I hope you all have peace with this knowledge that you brought joy and happiness continuely to Grammy.
Its so easy to beat yourself up at this time about what you did or didn't do while she was alive and I know everyone does this to a certain degree. Of course, I'm right in the middle of this game and so lucky that I have many around me that pull me back out.
I know my mom would be very upset with me about this personal beating, so I am going to let it go the best I can and continue with all the lovely, wonderful events her and I have had in the past year or so. The last major event that Mom loved being involved in was Morgan's wedding to Tyler. One of the things that she adored was because it involved so many of us that she treasured like none other.
I'm gathering pictures of current events to share on her joy and involvement that is plainly written on her face. This lady, who would trek across the mountain pass just for my birthday party? Amazing. Her greatest pleasure in life was her family which is so obvious as you look in her home. Pictures everywhere. It didn't matter what room she was in, there was another one framed so she would never be alone.
I am so grateful for my sister during this time and every day. Even though Sheri wasn't able to be there physically there with mom, I was. I know mom never seperated the two of us. We are like one. Its very interesting to me how mom considered us together as one being. She also made this combination with my girls, Morgan and Taylor. You talk to one, you are talking to two. You hug one, you are hugging two. You love one, you are loving two. Its simple and true.
Mom also gave me the gift during her last days, of having my brother Denny and his family with us. I know mom loved that we were all sitting stuffed in her room laughing and talking. She never wanted any bad feelings between any of us that would keep us apart. Another gift from mom as there are so many generous times when indirectly she should get the credit for helping the healing in a relationship. Michael is another example. What a time she had with having you this summer. An everyday connection and company and to be with your family this Thanksgiving....she said over and over again "I was treated like a queen."
I know lots of moms negative feelings made people keep some distance, but I know this is not her true feelings as I'm sure the pain was the root of the cause as there were so many issues. She loved everyone so very much and treasured every conversation, e-mail, picture, event etc. I hope you all have peace with this knowledge that you brought joy and happiness continuely to Grammy.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
My Mom
These past three days have been more powerful than I could have ever imagined.
My mom is really sick. Her body is not healthy and won't be healthy. Her confusion is real. Even in the hospital bed, she was happy, relieved, calmed as well as scared at the sight of me and my sister. Sheri and I make a great team. What one can do the other may not and vice versa, but together all can be accomplished.
Going through some of mom's things in her home explained to me so much on how much each of us meant to her. She has every card, note, picture, announcement...anything to do with us, saved and treasured. It is obvious how important we each are to her and we are her life. I wish so much she would have moved over here earlier so that we could have enjoyed her more and her us.
I don't want my mom to be scared anymore and I want her to be comfortable and be able to looked forward to everyday with a visit from one of us and not her life being guided by a visit to a doctors appointment. I want her to realize how much we really do love her and will miss her, that this is real and that she can have confidence that it is true.
My mom is really sick. Her body is not healthy and won't be healthy. Her confusion is real. Even in the hospital bed, she was happy, relieved, calmed as well as scared at the sight of me and my sister. Sheri and I make a great team. What one can do the other may not and vice versa, but together all can be accomplished.
Going through some of mom's things in her home explained to me so much on how much each of us meant to her. She has every card, note, picture, announcement...anything to do with us, saved and treasured. It is obvious how important we each are to her and we are her life. I wish so much she would have moved over here earlier so that we could have enjoyed her more and her us.
I don't want my mom to be scared anymore and I want her to be comfortable and be able to looked forward to everyday with a visit from one of us and not her life being guided by a visit to a doctors appointment. I want her to realize how much we really do love her and will miss her, that this is real and that she can have confidence that it is true.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
WESLEY
I love the idea and that we followed through with the Power of 4, to do a book exchange. I would like to add to this though...I think that we should rotate these books so everyone can read them especially back to the person who initially gave the gift.
SHERI this means you!
Let me ask you first of all one simple question that even a 5yr old would know...what do barn owls eat? That's right mice. I'm thinking the author split her time writing about Wesley and what Wesley eats. I have learned how you purchase mice at the pet store in a "bag" then get them home to kill them. Since Wesley is in a home environment, he doesn't know how to kill them, so that is now up to the owner. You spin the live mouse and flick your wrist as it hits the wall or floor to make a quick kill. Then you freeze the newly killed mice in baggies of four.
Time to eat!!! Well you get out a frozen bag of mice (next to the sweet potatoe fries) and thaw them in the microwave. You must then feel the mice to make sure there are no hot or cold spots. Now the fun part...until your owl is old enough to swallow them whole and that is head first, you must cut the mouse up in chunks. I have learned that an owl needs to eat all the mouse to get all the vitamins its needs to grow and be healthy. Interestingly, they don't drink any water because again, they get everything they need from the mice. The heart and kidneys as well as other organs carry enough blood in them to fulfill this requirement. Now Wesley doesn't like all the parts of the mouse, so he just spits out the intestine onto the floor, wall, pillow, your head, wherever it needs to land. So after eating a meal, which consists of 7-8 mice a day, you will have to clean up smelly, rotting mice organs about 8hrs later.
Now another great part of the detail this book shared is that after you swallow this whole mouse, the next day you will cough up what is called a "pellet"...this is what many high school or college labs love to have to examine...what is a pellet, you ask?...it is the hair and all bones...cleaned completely. You can actually build back a mouse body...all seven that you had for dinner yesterday.
Thank you sister...oh I almost forgot, I also know how to make rat patties!
Are you ready to swap books yet?
SHERI this means you!
Let me ask you first of all one simple question that even a 5yr old would know...what do barn owls eat? That's right mice. I'm thinking the author split her time writing about Wesley and what Wesley eats. I have learned how you purchase mice at the pet store in a "bag" then get them home to kill them. Since Wesley is in a home environment, he doesn't know how to kill them, so that is now up to the owner. You spin the live mouse and flick your wrist as it hits the wall or floor to make a quick kill. Then you freeze the newly killed mice in baggies of four.
Time to eat!!! Well you get out a frozen bag of mice (next to the sweet potatoe fries) and thaw them in the microwave. You must then feel the mice to make sure there are no hot or cold spots. Now the fun part...until your owl is old enough to swallow them whole and that is head first, you must cut the mouse up in chunks. I have learned that an owl needs to eat all the mouse to get all the vitamins its needs to grow and be healthy. Interestingly, they don't drink any water because again, they get everything they need from the mice. The heart and kidneys as well as other organs carry enough blood in them to fulfill this requirement. Now Wesley doesn't like all the parts of the mouse, so he just spits out the intestine onto the floor, wall, pillow, your head, wherever it needs to land. So after eating a meal, which consists of 7-8 mice a day, you will have to clean up smelly, rotting mice organs about 8hrs later.
Now another great part of the detail this book shared is that after you swallow this whole mouse, the next day you will cough up what is called a "pellet"...this is what many high school or college labs love to have to examine...what is a pellet, you ask?...it is the hair and all bones...cleaned completely. You can actually build back a mouse body...all seven that you had for dinner yesterday.
Thank you sister...oh I almost forgot, I also know how to make rat patties!
Are you ready to swap books yet?
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